Is it complaining when someone says they woke up crying the day after their vacation ended because they so didn’t want to go back to work? I did, and got told that if I just kept smiling on the outside, I’d soon feel it in the inside.
Two years later I changed careers, and I’m much happier at work.
Is it complaining to mention it feels like your spouse has checked out of the relationship? Mine insisted I was being negative when I did… even though he was cheating on me. But now the relationship is ended, and it’s turned out better for both of us.
Is it complaining when a policy or process isn’t meeting its goals, and you propose a new one? I’ve heard lots of managers claim that’s complaining, yet the ones who listen and try out the suggestions see improvements.
Complaints are important. They tell you where it hurts, and often point the way to making things better. They don’t always mean a total change is needed — sometimes the person complaining just needs more context so they will understand why things are the way they are. But I just can’t see the negative about them. I’ve met highly toxic people who were always “positive”, but at the expense of blowing off people who didn’t share their groupthink. I’ve also met people who run down everything, but they’re not really “complaining” so much as slanting everything to be negative.
Complaints, in fact, can be positive and show you which direction you need to go.
Swissmiss is an online garden Tina Roth Eisenberg started in 2005 and has lovingly tended to ever since.
Besides swissmiss, Tina founded and runs TeuxDeux, CreativeMornings and her Brooklyn based co-working community Friends Work Here. (She also started Tattly which was recently adopted by BIC)
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I must admit, this is pretty good; if only to make one aware of how much they (I) complain and what negative energy it actually is.
Good post.
Jan 13th, 2015 / 8:22 am
yes, please! (and can I hang that on the wall for my kids?) ;-)
Jan 13th, 2015 / 9:17 am
Great advice but I have to admit that would a little difficult.
Jan 13th, 2015 / 9:38 am
What if instead of a swear jar we have a complain jar?
Jan 13th, 2015 / 10:19 am
Define “complaining”.
Is it complaining when someone says they woke up crying the day after their vacation ended because they so didn’t want to go back to work? I did, and got told that if I just kept smiling on the outside, I’d soon feel it in the inside.
Two years later I changed careers, and I’m much happier at work.
Is it complaining to mention it feels like your spouse has checked out of the relationship? Mine insisted I was being negative when I did… even though he was cheating on me. But now the relationship is ended, and it’s turned out better for both of us.
Is it complaining when a policy or process isn’t meeting its goals, and you propose a new one? I’ve heard lots of managers claim that’s complaining, yet the ones who listen and try out the suggestions see improvements.
Complaints are important. They tell you where it hurts, and often point the way to making things better. They don’t always mean a total change is needed — sometimes the person complaining just needs more context so they will understand why things are the way they are. But I just can’t see the negative about them. I’ve met highly toxic people who were always “positive”, but at the expense of blowing off people who didn’t share their groupthink. I’ve also met people who run down everything, but they’re not really “complaining” so much as slanting everything to be negative.
Complaints, in fact, can be positive and show you which direction you need to go.
Jan 20th, 2015 / 11:05 am
Might work for some people, but some (like me) are just naturally complaining about stuff – I call it skepticism ;)
Jan 21st, 2015 / 5:07 pm