Feeling Safe

“Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives.”
– Van der Kolk

The Science of How Our Minds and Our Bodies Converge in the Healing of Trauma

On Being Too Hard on Yourself

“…, people high in self-compassion are honest about their own short-comings and contribution to failure, but they don’t beat themselves up for it. Rather, they comfort themselves, they recognize failure and mistakes as part of life, and they see the situation as a chance to grow.”

The Dangers of Being Too Hard On Yourself, by Christian Jarrett

Opportunity = People

“Every opportunity is attached to a person. Opportunities do not float like clouds in the sky. They’re attached to people. If you’re looking for an opportunity — including one that has a financial payoff — you’re really looking for a person.”
– Ben Casnocha

From this article: The Key to Luck Is Being a People Connector, by Jocelyn K. Glei

A Quiet Ego

“The volume of the ego is turned down so that it might listen to others as well as the self in an effort to approach life more humanely and compassionately.” The quiet ego brings others into the self without losing the self.

The Surprising Benefits of a Quiet Ego, by Scott Barry Kaufman

(via Jocelyn)

Read More Blogs

“Good blogs aren’t focused on the vapid race for clicks that other forms of social media encourage. Instead, they patiently inform and challenge, using your time with respect.”

Read more blogs, by Seth Godin

People Judge You Based on 2 Criteria

“If someone you’re trying to influence doesn’t trust you, you’re not going to get very far; in fact, you might even elicit suspicion because you come across as manipulative,” Cuddy says. “A warm, trustworthy person who is also strong elicits admiration, but only after you’ve established trust does your strength become a gift rather than a threat.”

A Harvard psychologist says people judge you based on 2 criteria when they first meet you

Data

“… Data paves the road to the bottom. It is the lazy way to figure out what to do next. It’s obsessed with the short-term.

Data gets us the Kardashians.”

Actually, more data might not be what you’re hoping for, Seth Godin

Dear mom,

“…Because I know that somewhere, out there, there is a mom who feels guilty every time she goes to “work” (whether it’s a job, a business, a personal creative project, or any vocation that feels meaningful to her). Somewhere, I know there’s a mom who feels guilty about writing her novel, running her blog, or pursuing her dream job, because she feels like throwing herself into that type of endeavor might “steal” time away from her kids and her family. Because it might make her a “bad mom.”…”

A letter to my mom, by Alexandra Franzen.

Tell Me What You Did Today

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” — Mahatma Gandhi

Tell Me What You Did Today, And I’ll Tell You Who You Are, by Benjamin P. Hardy

(via Jocelyn)

Solitude

“Our capacity for what psychoanalyst Adam Phillips has termed “fertile solitude” is absolutely essential not only for our creativity but for the basic fabric of our happiness — without time and space unburdened from external input and social strain, we’d be unable to fully inhabit our interior life, which is the raw material of all art.”

Artist Louise Bourgeois on How Solitude Enriches Creative Work

Big Questions

“… By all means, get it right. Get it right the first time. Successful makers of change embrace the hierarchy of importance, though, and refuse to engage with a fight about right when it’s vitally important to focus on important instead.”

Big questions before little ones, Seth Godin

Middle-Age

“By middle age you might begin to see, retrospectively, the dominant motifs that have been running through your various decisions. You might begin to see how all your different commitments can be integrated into one meaning and purpose. You might see the social problem your past has made you uniquely equipped to tackle. You might have enough clarity by now to orient your life around a true north on some ultimate horizon.”

The Middle-Age Surge, by David Brooks

Pros and Cons of Group Chats

“Think about it like sleep. If someone was interrupted every 15 minutes while they were trying to sleep, you wouldn’t think they’d be getting a good night’s sleep. So how can getting interrupted all day long lead to a good day’s work?”

Thoughtful post on pros and cons on the usage of group chat apps like Slack by Jason Fried: Is group chat making you sweat?

(via Jocelyn)

Honor

“To seek honor before profit is the surest means of finding profit with honor.”
– Félix Nadar

Photographer Félix Nadar on the Single Most Important Factor in Becoming a Commercially Successful Artist

The First Principles Method

“I think it’s important to reason from first principles rather than by analogy. The normal way we conduct our lives is we reason by analogy. [With analogy] we are doing this because it’s like something else that was done, or it is like what other people are doing. [With first principles] you boil things down to the most fundamental truths…and then reason up from there.”

How Elon Musk Thinks: The First Principles Method

Vivid Memorable Interactions

“… We can’t easily change the dominant narrative that people have about us, we certainly can’t do it by insisting that our customers or colleagues bring more nuance to the table.

​Instead, we can do it through action. Vivid, memorable interactions are what people remember. Surprises and vivid action matter far more than we imagine, and we regularly underinvest in them.”

The dominant narrative, by Seth Godin

James Corden Covered in Tattly

James CordenJames Corden

This made my week: James Corden modeled for WSJ covered in hundreds of Tattly. My heart nearly exploded when I discovered it. Not familiar with James Corden? He is the man behind the humorous and popular Carpool Karaoke!

High five!

“Strange how one person can saturate a room with vitality, with excitement. Then there are others… who can drain off energy and joy, can suck pleasure dry and get no sustenance from it. Such people spread a grayness in the air about them.”
– John Steinbeck

A quote found in this fantastic long read on Why, in the entire history of human life, did awesomeness become the great virtue of our age (and suckiness its vice)?, by Nick Riggle

(via Jocelyn)

Letting Go

“When you let go of something you are holding onto, you make room for your destiny to move in.

When you let go, you must have faith.

Have faith in the process, trust that you are going to a place you are meant for, a place that might not make sense now but will make plenty of sense later. You will see that because this happened, that happened. And the order of it all, no matter how painful or beautiful, was exactly what it needed to be.”

Why You Need to Let Go of Attachment, by Lewis Homes

We Are Hopelessly Hooked

“For young people, she observes, the art of friendship is increasingly the art of dividing your attention successfully. Speaking to someone who isn’t fully present is irritating, but it’s increasingly the norm.”

We are hopelessly hooked, by Jacob Weisberg

(via)

Emphasize Values over Rules

“You need to have some boundaries for kids. They can’t be allowed to do whatever they want, but in these families that mention creativity, the emphasis was not on, “This is what you do because I say so,” it was, “These are principles that we believe in and here’s why we think they’re important. What do you think? Let’s have a discussion about that.” There was reflective dialogue going on. Because of that, kids took ownership of the values and essentially made some of the very rules that the less creative parents were busy trying to enforce. Instead of enforcing them, these few parents got their creative children to endorse the rules themselves because they helped to generate them.”
– Adam Grant

The above excerpt is from an article by Eric Baker titled How To Be A Better Parent: 4 Secrets Backed By Research. I assume this probably also applies to the work place?

Over-compensate to compensate

derek sivers

As someone who is currently navigating through some major change this article by Derek Sivers made me think. In order to create real change in our behaviour we need to move more than ‘just one brick’. But if we move all of them we’re unbalanced. He beautifully illustrates what the right amount of ‘moving bricks is’. Read the article here: Over-compensate to compensate.

The Value of Trauma

Self-development is often portrayed as a rosy, flowery progression from dumbass to enlightenment that involves a lot of joy, prancing in fields of daisies, and high-fiving two thousand people at a seminar you paid way too much to be at.

But the truth is that transitions between the life stages are usually triggered by trauma or an extreme negative event in one’s life. A near-death experience. A divorce. A failed friendship or a death of a loved one.

Trauma causes us to step back and re-evaluate our deepest motivations and decisions. It allows us to reflect on whether our strategies to pursue happiness are actually working well or not.

How to move through the four stages of life, by Mark Manson.

(via Jocelyn)

“Verschlimmbessern”

25. Verschlimmbessern (German): To accidentally make something worse in the process of attempting to mend or improve it. Multiple applications around computers, cake baking and relationships.

From this fascinating list of Untranslatable Words.