Thoughts on Divorce

“But what can happen over time is this: You wake up one day and realize that you have put yourself back together completely differently. That you are whole, finally, and strong – but you are now a different shape, a different size. This sort of change — the change that occurs when you sit inside your own pain — it’s revolutionary. When you let yourself die, there is suddenly one day: new life. You are Different. New. And no matter how hard you try, you simply cannot fit into your old life anymore. You are like a snake trying to fit into old, dead skin, or a butterfly trying to crawl back into the cocoon, or new wine trying to pour itself back into an old wineskin. This new you is equal parts undeniable and terrifying.”

Beautifully honest post on divorce, by Glennon Doyle Melton. The PS at the end resonated especially. Thanks for sharing, Elizabeth Gilbert.

4 Comments leave a comment below

  1. This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I wanted to read the full post but the link went to her bio instead. For any that would like to read the full post and the cheer-worthy preemptive hater-blocking PS you will find it here:

  2. I read it… I’d say the problem with this is that we assume we won’t change but we all do. Just because you change doesn’t mean we discard our relationships. We divorce because we put our wishes above our spouses. We stop investing in the other person. We stop honoring them, respecting them, loving them (love is a verb of sacrifice, not emotion). I’ve never seen a divorce that wasn’t built on selfishness of at least one (but most times both) spouses. We claim irreconcilable differences… every marriage has irreconcilable differences and that’s ok. We have to choose to stay married and we can take a dead marriage and revive it but it takes effort, but oh is it worth it! It really only takes one person to change the path of a marriage, I’ve seen it and I’ve lived it. Be gracious with your spouse, he or she is only human. If you read this chuck it in the trash. It’s the selfish path.

  3. Eventually you both have to try.

    I spent almost 3 years choosing to stay married and trying to revive a dead marriage.

    The problem is that ultimately it doesn’t take one person to change the path of a marriage, though at one time I desperately wished that to be true.

    Eventually you have to meet up again as changed people and forge a path together.

    Don’t chuck this in the trash. Take what comfort you need from it as you navigate the devastating pain of divorce.

  4. I think we don’t need to generalize. Some people stay together work through the hard stuff. Some people leave each other and find happiness another way. Some people stay together and stay miserable their entire lives. Some people leave each other and end up miserable and alone. Let’s try to allow everyone to find their own path in life, and lets try to find our path without exploiting or hurting other people.
    Those are good intentions, (I think)..