1. Remind yourself that time is valuable and once it’s spent you absolutely can’t get it back.
2. Ask yourself: “Would I be willing to do this thing tomorrow?” It’s easy to sign yourself up for something in April when it’s only September. Do your future self a favor and try this little exercise.
3. Respond quickly. Don’t leave people hanging once you know you’re saying no.
4. Own your “no” if it’s not a priority (because something else actively is): “Thanks so much for thinking of me. I’m not going to be able to take this on, but I wish you the best with X.”
5. Reframe your “no” to assuage your guilt (if it’s something you genuinely wish you had time for). Acknowledge that this commitment is significant to you, even if you’re not taking it on. A good sample script: “This is so important that it deserves someone’s full energy, and since I can’t do that because I have XYZ other things, I would be dishonoring the importance of this event/role/weekend getaway by saying yes.”
I was lucky enough to experience this DO Lectures talk by Alastair Humphreys live in 2018. I keep coming back to it, when I need a little kick in the butt and a reminder to just push myself out of my daily routines and comfort zones. I keep wondering, especially now, in times of Covid, how can I live more adventurously? What micro adventures can I add to my day?
Vintage videos with Dr. Berne about Transnational Analysis, a system for understanding people’s behavior who are trying to change people’s behavior and for predicting people’s behavior.
Level 1: Ritual
Level 2: Extended Ritual
Level 3: Content (or Surface)
Level 4: Feelings About Content
Level 5: Feelings About Each Other
Interesting read: Richard Francisco’s Five Levels of Communication maps out a series of “levels” that represent increasing degrees of difficulty, risk, and potential learning in our interactions.
What’s the most powerful tool that nobody knows about?
Twitter advanced search.
Here’s a fun way to use it:
1) Pick your favorite person to follow.
2) Search their most popular tweets.
3) Scroll until you get bored.
Then, do it again. It’s the most fun you’ll have on Twitter.
— David Perell (@david_perell) April 11, 2020
“If you’re forming a startup, there are generally two kinds of stories to choose from about what the startup is for. Keep in mind that startups are companies that are trying to take over some subsection of the world. It’s ambitious stuff, so they tend to take on lots of early investment. They get somebody to give them a lot of money so they can hit the market with disproportionate force. And in order to pay that investment back, they need what’s called an “exit,” which usually comes in two forms: You’re either acquired by a larger company or you go public, selling your company on a market where people can trade your shares based on their speculations about what it’s worth. In both cases, you’re passing the company that you’ve worked to build off to new owners, who in turn might be buying it just to convince future buyers to pay even more for it later. It’s a weirdly normal pyramid scheme of capitalism.
What if there were another way? What if a startup that successfully builds a community could opt for an exit to ownership by that community?”
This is a fascinating read: Exit To Community, by Nathan Schneider
I have been holding my breath since March. While trying to keep my companies alive and making sure my kids feel emotionally safe.
I am done holding my breath.
“At any point in our lives, we can choose to be happy, no matter the circumstances,” my wise friend @suefan once said.
Think about it.
At any time you can choose love over fear.
I refuse to let 2020 go down as an unlived year.
I hereby exhale and surrender to what is.
I am going to breathe deeply and actively look for and celebrate anything that brings me joy:
Be it this imperfectly perfect heart-shaped tomato.
Rollerskaters dancing. (Check my Instagram story highlight titled HAPPY)
Tending to my plants.
Sitting with my neighbors on my stoop.. …
Given that 2020 is one big dumpster fire, I am trying to think of joy-producing ideas that up the ante.
Here’s one that made me giggle: What if we muster up all of our courage and confess to our secret crushes?
“Hi [insert name],
2020 sucks. But I figured it would make you happy to know that I have been secretly crushing on you.”
Can you imagine how that would make your day?
There are 124 days left in 2020. Let’s live a little. Let’s be warriors of joy.
PS: Please, exhale.
(originally posted over on my Instagram account)
I was able to listen in on the live taping of this episode of How To Citizen with Baratunde and Eric Liu as his guest. A timely and important listen for many of us. And also, for me, as I just became a citizen, after living in the USA for 21 years. Eric started Citizen University and is an overall impressive human. Thank you Baratunde for all you do. Very, very excited for this new podcast of yours.
“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”
— Dr. Seuss
“New yorkers temperamentally do not crave comfort and convenience – if they did they would live elsewhere.”
— E. B White 1949
The first thing you do is to forget that I’m black.
Second, you must never forget that I’m black.
You should be able to dig Aretha,
but don’t play her every time I come over.
And if you decide to play Beethoven — don’t tell me
his life story. They make us take music appreciation, too.
Eat soul food if you like it, but don’t expect me
to locate your restaurants
or cook it for you.
And if some Black person insults you,
mugs you, rapes your sister, rapes you,
rips your house or is just being an ass —
please, do not apologize to me
for wanting to do them bodily harm.
It makes me wonder if you’re foolish.
And even if you really believe Blacks are better lovers than
whites — don’t tell me. I start thinking of charging stud fees.
In other words — if you really want to be my friend — don’t
make a labor of it. I’m lazy. Remember.
I will not die an unlived life
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.
— Dawna Markova
Call-outs make people fearful of being targeted. People avoid meaningful conversations when hypervigilant perfectionists point out apparent mistakes, feeding the cannibalistic maw of the cancel culture. Shaming people for when they “woke up” presupposes rigid political standards for acceptable discourse and enlists others to pile on. Sometimes it’s just ruthless hazing.
We can change this culture. Calling-in is simply a call-out done with love. Some corrections can be made privately. Others will necessarily be public, but done with respect. It is not tone policing, protecting white fragility or covering up abuse. It helps avoid the weaponization of suffering that prevents constructive healing.
Calling-in engages in debates with words and actions of healing and restoration, and without the self-indulgence of drama. And we can make productive choices about the terms of the debate: Conflicts about coalition-building, supporting candidates or policies are a routine and desirable feature of a pluralistic democracy.
I Think Call-Out Culture Is Toxic, by Loretta Ross
“If you think falling in love is only reserved for romantic relationships, then you’re missing out on so much.”
— Ayishat Akanbi